Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The Art of Self-Sabotage

If you're keeping abreast with my concurrent blog - Preston's Path to Prosperity - then you know I've recently met someone that - at first blush - is the very essence of everything I'm looking for in a woman. I won't get into details here except to say she is gorgeous and wonderful.

After our first date I was estactic to have met such a high quality woman. After the second date with everything going very smoothly, I was feeling like the master of the Law of Attraction.

But now, the next day, my subconscious mind is already at work undermining my confidence.

Have you ever wished for something and wondered day in and day out why it couldn't be more like 'X'. Then when for once you actually get exactly 'X' you're feeling it's just too good to be true? That there simply must be something wrong. Some string or catch and you start looking for any tattletell sign of what's wrong with this picture.

That's where I am right now. If she doesn't pick up the phone, does that mean she's lost interest? Perhaps she only wants to be with me because I'm a Canadian citizen and she's not or she assumes I'm well established in life and able to look after her and her child. Looking back on our relationship so far there's no valid reason for me to assume any of that is true, it's merely my own poor self-image working against me.

In his seminar, Bob Proctor said that we must reach 'levels' before we can advance our life. For example, it's unfathomly hard to go from working poor to vertually non-working millionaire in ones mind. Sure they can envision it, but if they were to suddenly have an inspiration of what to do to make that reality they will almost certainly shoot it down as rubbish. Simply because that reality is too far removed from all their past and present references of life. It just can't be that easy. Right? Wrong.

While not every idea is a surefire winner, there ultimately are some of them out there. The people who succeed are the ones who can believe in them long enough to prevail.

For that hardworking poor person striving to get ahead, they need to go after a shorter term goal of something that they can actually fundimentally believe they can acheive. Like reaching middle-class. Surely they know some people living at that level and certainly they can reaffirm that those people are not significantly, if at all, any different than they are. That way when success comes, they can accept it.

Once they become acclimatized to living life at that level they can dream and pursue bigger and better goals.

We must always be on the lookout for those self-limting thoughts and behaviours though.

I recently read that in a study of a couple dozen millionaires that had succeeded from all different walks of life, the one recurring theme amoungst them all was a belief that they could not fail. They did not take reckless, foolish risks, and it would be next to impossible to maintain that beleif system if they did, but whatever risks they took, and it wasn't uncommon for them to risk it all, they proceeded on that unwavering belief that they would find a way to make it work.

Now someone could argue that there would also be a set of people with that belief who tried and failed. This is true. What constantly amazes me is how many successful people have been bankrupt at some point, often multiple times. Bankruptcy seems like the end of the world to most of us but to these people it's merely a stumbling block and they merely try another venture utilizing what they learned in the last attempt.
Again, they've maintained that belief that they will not fail over the long run. They have seen others be successful and figure that therefore, it must also be possible for them to achieve success as well.

This extends into all other areas. It's well documented that pretty much any successful person you can think off dealt with failure or rejection at some point.

"Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm" - Winston Churchill

Therefore if we accept that failure is a part of life but certainly not the end of a voyage we must also come to an acceptance that success is also a part of life and we must learn to accept both in good graces.

So while my concerns might may some basis and should be considered, it's counterproductive to allow oneself to become consumed with looking for reasons why one's success isn't in fact valid.

Remember we attract what we focus upon. So stay focused on how wonderful this success will feel and what future opportunites it opens up while staying mindful of the potential pitfalls.